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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Saloon
Saloons
Drinking
Live
Life

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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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