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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Experts
Prison
State
Occupied
Father
Expert
Science
Applied
States
Chair
Electricity
Chairs

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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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Never work with animals or children.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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