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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
States
Chair
Electricity
Chairs
Experts
Prison
State
Occupied
Father
Expert
Science
Applied
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
W. C. Fields
I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. Fields
I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
W. C. Fields
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. Fields
The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
W. C. Fields
It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
W. C. Fields
I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
W. C. Fields
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields
Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
W. C. Fields
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. Fields
Never give a sucker an even break.
W. C. Fields
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. Fields
I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
W. C. Fields
A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
W. C. Fields
I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. Fields
