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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Cork
Lunch
Drinking
Took
Comedy
Weasel
Weasels
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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The income tax was devised to give lawyers and certified public accountants business. Few persons can make head, tail, or middle out of it. Einstein admitted he couldn't.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
W. C. Fields
