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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Times
Alcoholism
Easy
Liquor
Done
Drank
Swear
Alcohol
Drinking
Drink
Cocktails
Thousand
Drunkenness
More quotes by W. C. Fields
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. Fields
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
W. C. Fields
Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
W. C. Fields
All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
W. C. Fields
Never work with animals or children.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. Fields
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
W. C. Fields
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. Fields
