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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Done
Drank
Swear
Alcohol
Drinking
Drink
Cocktails
Thousand
Drunkenness
Times
Alcoholism
Easy
Liquor

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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
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My illness is due to my doctor's insistence that I drink milk, a whitish fluid they force down helpless babies.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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All things considered, I'd rather be in Philadelphia
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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