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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Easy
Liquor
Done
Drank
Swear
Alcohol
Drinking
Drink
Cocktails
Thousand
Drunkenness
Times
Alcoholism
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
W. C. Fields
Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
W. C. Fields
You can't cheat an honest man.
W. C. Fields
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. Fields
Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
W. C. Fields
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. Fields
Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
W. C. Fields
Never work with animals or children.
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I don't object to nine aces in one deck. But when a man lays down five aces in one hand... and besides, I know what I dealt him!
W. C. Fields
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
W. C. Fields
I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
W. C. Fields
I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
W. C. Fields
It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
W. C. Fields
