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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Alcohol
Drinking
Drink
Cocktails
Thousand
Drunkenness
Times
Alcoholism
Easy
Liquor
Done
Drank
Swear
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I'm looking for loopholes.
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Never work with animals or children.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Indeed, moderation is my middle name (though I do not often use it in signing legal documents)
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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I like children - fried.
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I drink therefore I am.
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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