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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Never
Forming
Beer
Alcohol
Habit
Afraid
Drink
Water
Become
Alcoholism

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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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