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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Alcohol
Habit
Afraid
Drink
Water
Become
Alcoholism
Never
Forming
Beer
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
W. C. Fields
Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. Fields
It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
W. C. Fields
There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
I drink therefore I am.
W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
W. C. Fields
It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
I never eat before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
Here is my best advice on the matter of deductibles: just count off on your fingers all the items that you suspect might be deductible - and then forget them, because they aren't.
W. C. Fields
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields
I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
W. C. Fields
