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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Habit
Afraid
Drink
Water
Become
Alcoholism
Never
Forming
Beer
Alcohol

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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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I don't believe in dining on an empty stomach.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
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I drink therefore I am.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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