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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Sex
Funny
Better
Nothing
Badness
Things
Sameness
Like
Goodness
Worse
Exactly
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields
When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
W. C. Fields
It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. Fields
Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
W. C. Fields
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields
Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
W. C. Fields
I like children - fried.
W. C. Fields
My daughter wants to throw a stone at a bad man. I stop her from throwing, shaking my head and giving her a little slap. My disapproval is complete. You think: 'That's right, she shouldn't throw a stone even at a villain.' Then I hand her a brick to throw.
W. C. Fields
Prayers never bring anything... They may bring solace to the sap, the bigot, the ignorant, the aboriginal, and the lazy - but to the enlightened it is the same as asking Santa Claus to bring you something for Xmas
W. C. Fields
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
W. C. Fields
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
W. C. Fields
I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
W. C. Fields
Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
W. C. Fields
Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
W. C. Fields
First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
W. C. Fields
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields
