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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Funny
Better
Nothing
Badness
Things
Sameness
Like
Goodness
Worse
Exactly
Sex

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I can do anything I want to do!
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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Ain't fit for man nor beast
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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