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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Survive
Throw
Cold
Woman
Outdoors
Night
Camping
Nature
Yard
Stills
Yards
Still
Marry
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I like children. If they're properly cooked.
W. C. Fields
The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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So long as the presence of death lurks with anyone who goes through the simple act of swallowing, I will make mine whiskey.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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The movie people would have nothing to do with me until they heard me speak in a Broadway play, then they all wanted to sign me for the silent movies.
W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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I'm free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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Fields' reply: He'd think I was a sissy.
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Dentists, lawyers, doctors are all a bunch of thieving bastards.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
W. C. Fields
There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
W. C. Fields
