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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Cold
Woman
Outdoors
Night
Camping
Nature
Yard
Stills
Yards
Still
Marry
Survive
Throw
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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Remember, Lady Godiva put all she had on a horse and she lost her shirt!
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You can't cheat an honest man.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
W. C. Fields
