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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Survive
Throw
Cold
Woman
Outdoors
Night
Camping
Nature
Yard
Stills
Yards
Still
Marry
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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You can fool some of the people some of the time -- and that's enough to make a decent living.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
W. C. Fields
