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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Still
Marry
Survive
Throw
Cold
Woman
Outdoors
Night
Camping
Nature
Yard
Stills
Yards
More quotes by W. C. Fields
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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I like children - fried.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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If I ever found a church that didn't believe in knocking all the other churches, I might consider joining it.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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