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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Like
Ems
Marriage
Wouldn
Comedy
Funny
Women
Look
Looks
Elephants
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
W. C. Fields
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. Fields
There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
W. C. Fields
I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
W. C. Fields
If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
W. C. Fields
