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Women are like elephants to me. I like to look at them, but I wouldn't want to own one.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Comedy
Funny
Women
Look
Looks
Elephants
Like
Ems
Marriage
Wouldn
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 3000 B. C.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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Ye Gads, no! I couldn't stand the noise.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
W. C. Fields
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
