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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Faces
Tails
Funny
Affairs
Comes
Affair
Take
Silly
Must
Comedy
Men
Crazy
Bull
Time
Situation
Bulls
Face
Tail
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Abstaining is favorable both to the head and the pocket.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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There are better things than sex, but nothing quite like it.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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Never work with animals or children.
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I never eat before breakfast.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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Just like my Uncle Charlie used to say, just before he sprung the trap: He said, You can't cheat and honest man! Never give a sucker an even break or smarten up a chump!
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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I never smoked a cigar in my life until I was nine
W. C. Fields
