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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Risk
Float
Takes
Floats
Remember
Swimming
Live
Swim
Life
Fish
Fishes
Downstream
Innovation
Upstream
Dead
Swimmer
More quotes by W. C. Fields
What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
W. C. Fields
I have a poor memory for names but I seldom remember a face.
W. C. Fields
It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
W. C. Fields
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. Fields
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. Fields
There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
W. C. Fields
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. Fields
Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
W. C. Fields
I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
W. C. Fields
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. Fields
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
W. C. Fields
W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
W. C. Fields
During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
W. C. Fields
I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
W. C. Fields
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. Fields
