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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Call
Grandchildren
Inspirational
Esteem
Self
Abuse
Confidence
Answer
Violence
Answers
More quotes by W. C. Fields
I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
W. C. Fields
Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
W. C. Fields
Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
W. C. Fields
I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
W. C. Fields
I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
W. C. Fields
When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
W. C. Fields
All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
W. C. Fields
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
W. C. Fields
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
W. C. Fields
I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. Fields
It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
W. C. Fields
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. Fields
I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
W. C. Fields
I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
W. C. Fields
How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
W. C. Fields
I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
W. C. Fields