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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Self
Esteem
Abuse
Confidence
Answer
Violence
Answers
Call
Inspirational
Grandchildren

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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How is the human race going to survive now that the cost of living has gone up two dollars a quart?
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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W. C. Fields, a lifetime agnostic, was discovered reading a Bible on his deathbed. ''I'm looking for a loop-hole,'' he explained.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
W. C. Fields
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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I must have a drink of breakfast.
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.
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I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
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The funniest thing a comedian can do is not do it.
W. C. Fields
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. Fields