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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Abuse
Confidence
Answer
Violence
Answers
Call
Inspirational
Grandchildren
Self
Esteem
More quotes by W. C. Fields
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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It's a wonderful thing, the D.T.'s. You can travel the world in a couple of hours. You see some mighty funny and curious things that come in assorted colors.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
W. C. Fields
