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I like children - fried.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Fried
Witty
Humorous
Funny
Children
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More quotes by W. C. Fields

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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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The funniest thing about comedy is that you never know why people laugh. I know what makes them laugh but trying to get your hands on the why of it is like trying to pick an eel out of a tub of water.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. Fields
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All my available funds are completely tied up in cash.
W. C. Fields
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
W. C. Fields
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
W. C. Fields
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Happiness means quiet nerves.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
W. C. Fields
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Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you've used up all the other four-letter words.
W. C. Fields
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
W. C. Fields
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
W. C. Fields
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
W. C. Fields