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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Little
Butler
Nothing
Midget
Like
Butlers
Feet
Comedy
House
Around
Littles
Patter
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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If a thing is worth having, it's worth cheating for.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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Never work with animals or children.
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
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Variant: I was driven to drink by a woman. I am forever grateful, yet I never had the good manners to thank her.
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I can do anything I want to do!
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I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
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It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one's present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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