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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Funny
Clever
Scotch
Always
Drinking
Drunkenness
Carry
Snake
Case
Whiskey
Whisk
Smart
Snakes
Bourbon
Drink
Drank
Furthermore
Cases
Witty
Whisky
Small
Alcohol
Drinkers
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
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Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
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If it is a joint return, we are instructed to print the given names of both husband and wife. But since some of the names that husband and wife give each other are hardly suited to print, we must proceed cautiously.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
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The cost of living has gone up another dollar a quart.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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I never drink water... fish f**k in it.
W. C. Fields
