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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Carry
Snake
Case
Whiskey
Whisk
Smart
Snakes
Bourbon
Drink
Drank
Furthermore
Cases
Witty
Whisky
Small
Alcohol
Drinkers
Funny
Clever
Scotch
Always
Drinking
Drunkenness
More quotes by W. C. Fields
In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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It was a marriage of convenience, as my father had a blister on his big toe and couldn't travel far to find a girl.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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When asked to borrow money: I'll see what my lawyer says. . . . And if he says yes, I'll get another lawyer.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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After two days in the hospital, I turn to the nurse.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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I ad lib most of my dialogue. If I did remember my lines, it would be too bad for me.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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