Quote

Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Funny
Clever
Scotch
Always
Drinking
Drunkenness
Carry
Snake
Case
Whiskey
Whisk
Smart
Snakes
Bourbon
Drink
Drank
Furthermore
Cases
Witty
Whisky
Small
Alcohol
Drinkers

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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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I like thieves. Some of my best friends are thieves. Why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.
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A merry Christmas to all my friends except two.
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Wouldn't it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
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What would you do if you were President, and, on the first day of May, the Russian Ambassador presented you with a beautiful cake which emitted a curious ticking noise? Would you plunge it into a pail of water - thus insulting Soviet cuisine in general?
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I only drink to steady my nerves... sometimes I'm so steady I don't move for months.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.
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I've been asked if I ever get the DTs. I don't know. It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the DTs begin.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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I've never hit a woman in my life. Not even my own mother.
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