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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Driven
Drink
Comedy
Worry
Home
Never

More quotes by W. C. Fields

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Thou shalt not kill anything less than a fifth.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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No man is boss in his own home, but he can make up for it, he thinks, by making a dog play dead.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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Sex isn't necessary. You don't die without it, but you can die having it.
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Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
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I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
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If pigs had wings, they would be pigeons.
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There are seven natural openings in the head and body. A lawyer is the only human being with eight. The extra one is a slot to store money in, should his bank be unable to hold all of it.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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The advantages of whiskey over dogs are legion. Whiskey does not need to be periodically wormed, it does not need to be fed, it never requires a special kennel, it has no toenails to be clipped or coat to be stripped. Whiskey sits quietly in its special nook until you want it. True, whiskey has a nasty habit of running out, but then so does a dog.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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Few things in life are more embarrassing than the necessity of having to inform an old friend that you have just got engaged to his fiancee.
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I drink therefore I am.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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I like my films to influence the audience. Even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.
W. C. Fields
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
W. C. Fields