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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Driven
Drink
Comedy
Worry
Home
Never

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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
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Show me a great actor and I'll show you a lousy husband. Show me a great actress, and you've seen the devil.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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A man who overindulges lives in a dream. He becomes conceited. He thinks the whole world revolves around him and it usually does.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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The work I'm doing on the screen differs from that of anyone else. My comedy is of a peculiar nature...no writers have been developed along the lines of my type of comedy and this is why I sometimes have differences with writers, supervisors and directors alike.
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A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
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I don't drink anymore, on the other hand I don't drink any less either.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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