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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Never
Driven
Drink
Comedy
Worry
Home
More quotes by W. C. Fields
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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I'm looking for loopholes. (Said when caught reading the Bible.).
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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Trust everybody, but cut the cards yourself.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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Some people are born losers others acquire the knack gradually.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
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The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. Fields
