Quote

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Life
Standards
Expect
Rest
Comedy
Woman
Keep
Trying
Impress
Never
Standard

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I've been barbecued, stewed, screwed, tattooed, and fried by people claiming to be my friends. The human race has gone backward, not forward, since the days we were apes swinging through the trees.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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I note the derogatory rumors concerning the use of alcoholic stimulants and lavish living. It is the penalty of greatness.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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I don't know why I ever come in here. The flies get the best of everything.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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I used to be indecisive, now I'm not so sure.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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Buried my wife the other day. Had to, she died.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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I'm searching for loopholes.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
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I never drink water. I'm afraid it will become habit-forming.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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I never drink water that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
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Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
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