Quote

Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Never
Standard
Life
Standards
Expect
Rest
Comedy
Woman
Keep
Trying
Impress

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I never eat before breakfast.
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Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Comedy is a serious business. A serious business with only one purpose--to make people laugh.
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Where there is a will, there's prosperity around the corner.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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When you wake up in the morning, smile - and get it over with.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house unless they have a well-stocked bar.
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If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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The only thing a lawyer won't question is the legitimacy of his mother.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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