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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Water
Funny
Things
Disgusting
Never
Hunting
Witty
Fish
Fishes
Drink

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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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I spent half my money on gambling, alcohol and wild women. The other half I wasted.
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Never mind what I told you - you do as I tell you.
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What a gorgeous day. What effulgent sunshine. It was a day of this sort the McGillicuddy brothers murdered their mother with an axe.
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.
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Scotch needs water like a fish needs a bicycle.
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If I had my life to live over again, I'd live over a saloon.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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I don't have to attend every argument I'm invited to.
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When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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