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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Never
Hunting
Witty
Fish
Fishes
Drink
Water
Funny
Things
Disgusting
More quotes by W. C. Fields
Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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Ultimately chess is just chess - not the best thing in the world and not the worst thing in the world, but there is nothing quite like it.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
W. C. Fields
When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.
W. C. Fields
Yes I do like children ... Girl children...about eighteen or twenty.
W. C. Fields
A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
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I didn't say the meat was tough. I said I didn't see the horse that is usually outside.
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I never met a kid I liked.
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I've been on a 46-year diet of olives and alcohol. The latter I consume. The former I save and use over again in more alcohol. In my lifetime, I imagine, I have consumed at least $200,000 worth of whisky.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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Somebody's been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
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It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
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There is not a man in America who has not had a secret ambition to boot an infant.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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I believe in tying the marriage knot, as long as it's around the woman's neck
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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
W. C. Fields
