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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Drink
Water
Funny
Things
Disgusting
Never
Hunting
Witty
Fish
Fishes

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Smile first thing in the morning. Get it over with.
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I'd take a Bromo, but I can't stand the noise.
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I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.
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It's a funny old world. A man's lucky if he gets out of it alive.
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I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
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I never worry about being driven to drink I just worry about being driven home.
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I've been drunk only once in my life. But that lasted for twenty-three years.
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I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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A man who's intoxicated all the time doesn't need sympathy.
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I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
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