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Oh, insomnia! Ah, well, I know a good cure for it... Get plenty of sleep.

W. C. Fields

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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Cures
Humorous
Plenty
Sleep
Funny
Insomniac
Well
Oxymoron
Good
Insomnia
Cure

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Christmas at my house is always at least six or seven times more pleasant than anywhere else. We start drinking early. And while everyone else is seeing only one Santa Claus, we'll be seeing six or seven.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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A comic should suffer as much over a single line as a man with a hernia would in picking up a heavy barbell.
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I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
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Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
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Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
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Bert Williams was the funniest man I ever saw and the saddest man I ever knew.
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It is impossible to find twelve fair men in all the world.
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The best thing to break is a contract.
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Never eat at a place called 'Moms', but if the only other place in town has a sign that says 'Eats', go back to Moms.
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Thou shalt not steal-only from other comedians.
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It's what you do that counts and not what you say therefore I fired my press agent.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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In the ten years since I had run away from home...I had gone through more strange experiences than the average person crowds into a whole lifetime.
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I certainly do not drink all the time. I have to sleep you know.
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I was almost put out of business by a well-meaning corpse.
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I like children - fried.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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I have been in the entertainment business some forty-three years, and I have never said anything detrimental or anything that might be construed as belittling any race or religion. I would be a sucker to do so because you can't insult the customers.
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