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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. Fields
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W. C. Fields
Age: 66 †
Born: 1880
Born: January 29
Died: 1946
Died: December 25
Actor
Cabaret Artist
Circus Performer
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Screenwriter
Stage Actor
Philadelphia
Pennsylvania
WC Fields
William Claude Dukenfield
W.C. Fields
Business
Positive
Inspirational
Motivational
Firsts
Humor
Rejection
First
Successful
Quit
Trying
Point
Quitting
Life
Success
Damn
Funny
Succeed
History
Fool
More quotes by W. C. Fields
It is funnier to bend things than to break them.
W. C. Fields
I could juggle anything in my day. Balls, cigar boxes, knives...But there was one thing I could never juggle. My income tax.
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Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.
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First prize was a week in Philadelphia. Second prize was two weeks.
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Attitude is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skill.
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The Punkwat twins! Brentwood is the world's smallest giant, whilst his brother, Elwood, is the largest midget in the world. They baffle science!
W. C. Fields
Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive-right, left, and in the middle.
W. C. Fields
The low-ceiling price bazaar for sexual relief was a street called Middie Alley. You could barely get a pushcart through this avenue. Top price-twenty-five cents.
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Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there's nothing exactly like it.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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The two-headed boy in the circus never had such a headache.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Was I in here last night and did I spend a $20 bill? Oh, thank goodness... I thought I'd lost it.
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It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore however, I'm not drinking any less either.
W. C. Fields
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. Fields
I was married once--in San Francisco. I haven't seen her for many years. The great earthquake and fire in 1906 destroyed the marriage certificate. There's no legal proof. Which proves that earthquakes aren't all bad.
W. C. Fields
Marriage is better than leprosy only because it's easier to get rid of.
W. C. Fields
If it does not work the first time, try, try again. Then quit. No need to be an idiot.
W. C. Fields
In every big city there is always one surefire laugh, and that lies in hanging some piece of idiocy upon the people of a nearby city or town.
W. C. Fields
