Quote

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

Victoria Wood

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Victoria Wood
Age: 62 †
Born: 1953
Born: May 19
Died: 2016
Died: April 20
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Woman
Filling
Individual
Hole
Next
Holes
Ends
Fruit
Always
Train
Eating
Sitting
Sucking
Middle
Pie

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In my 20s I was going round seeing agents who were patronising because I was fat and a girl, which was a double whammy. I knew what it was to feel out-of-the-loop.
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If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.
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People always think I hate doing interviews. I don't. I wouldn't do them if I didn't like them.
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I have stayed true to that first idea that people can have a day in their lives that is very important and if they can reconnect with that day, reconnect with the people they were then, they can suddenly revive their emotions.
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Acting is not my favourite thing. I don't like wearing costumes and wigs.
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A lot of panel programmes rely on men topping each other, or sparring with each other, which is not generally a very female thing.
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Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?
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I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
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In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.
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In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.
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Music is an element that should be part and parcel of every child's life via the education system.
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I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex - I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower.
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You know daytime television? You know what it's supposed to be for? It's to keep unemployed people happy. It's supposed to stop them running to the social security demanding mad luxuries like cookers and windows.
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If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.
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I haven't got a waist. I've just got a sort of place ... a bit like an unmarked level crossing.
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I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.
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If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.
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I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.
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Well, I think there's not much of a chance for me finding somebody of my age. Gentlemen of my age are dropping down 30 years to find girlfriends.
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Last time I went Intercity there were a couple across the aisle having sex. Of course, this being a British train, nobody said anything. Then they finished, they both lit up a cigarette and this woman stood up and said, Excuse me, I think you'll find this is a non-smoking compartment.
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