Quote

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

Victoria Wood

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Victoria Wood
Age: 62 †
Born: 1953
Born: May 19
Died: 2016
Died: April 20
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Middle
Pie
Woman
Filling
Individual
Hole
Next
Holes
Ends
Fruit
Always
Train
Eating
Sitting
Sucking

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If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.
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Acting is not my favourite thing. I don't like wearing costumes and wigs.
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If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.
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A lot of panel programmes rely on men topping each other, or sparring with each other, which is not generally a very female thing.
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I like writing a lot more than I used to. I used to find it scary but now I've got used to it once it gets going. I used to find it hard to start. Fear of the blank page. The first thing you write down won't bear any relation to what's in your head and that's always disappointing.
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Of course I don't want to go to a cocktail party...If I wanted to stand around with a load of people I don't know eating bits of cold toast I can get caught shoplifting and go to Holloway [women's prison].
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My massage was marvellous. I feel really relaxed. And my masseur, Harold :You can't have a masseur called Harold. It's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena.
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In London it's easy not to be the focus of attention, especially when Sting lives in the house just behind you.
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In my 20s I was going round seeing agents who were patronising because I was fat and a girl, which was a double whammy. I knew what it was to feel out-of-the-loop.
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Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?
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Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.
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I haven't got a waist. I've just got a sort of place ... a bit like an unmarked level crossing.
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I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.
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I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.
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I have stayed true to that first idea that people can have a day in their lives that is very important and if they can reconnect with that day, reconnect with the people they were then, they can suddenly revive their emotions.
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I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.
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Well, I think there's not much of a chance for me finding somebody of my age. Gentlemen of my age are dropping down 30 years to find girlfriends.
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All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.
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Radio killed variety and TV killed radio, and the internet will kill television and it will go on and on.
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In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.
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