Quote

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

Victoria Wood

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Victoria Wood
Age: 62 †
Born: 1953
Born: May 19
Died: 2016
Died: April 20
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Individual
Hole
Next
Holes
Ends
Fruit
Always
Train
Eating
Sitting
Sucking
Middle
Pie
Woman
Filling

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I used to make my own food and ate on my own in my room.
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Last time I went Intercity there were a couple across the aisle having sex. Of course, this being a British train, nobody said anything. Then they finished, they both lit up a cigarette and this woman stood up and said, Excuse me, I think you'll find this is a non-smoking compartment.
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People always think I hate doing interviews. I don't. I wouldn't do them if I didn't like them.
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If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.
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I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.
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Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?
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Radio killed variety and TV killed radio, and the internet will kill television and it will go on and on.
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Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.
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I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.
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I know I've got a degree. Why does that mean I have to spend my life with intellectuals? I've got a lifesaving certificate but I don't spend my evenings diving for a rubber brick with my pyjamas on.
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I have stayed true to that first idea that people can have a day in their lives that is very important and if they can reconnect with that day, reconnect with the people they were then, they can suddenly revive their emotions.
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Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.
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My massage was marvellous. I feel really relaxed. And my masseur, Harold :You can't have a masseur called Harold. It's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena.
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In London it's easy not to be the focus of attention, especially when Sting lives in the house just behind you.
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I have been in a youth hostel...You are put in a kitchen with seventeen venture scouts with behavioural difficulties and made to wash swedes.
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A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.
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I like writing a lot more than I used to. I used to find it scary but now I've got used to it once it gets going. I used to find it hard to start. Fear of the blank page. The first thing you write down won't bear any relation to what's in your head and that's always disappointing.
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If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.
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I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.
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Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers
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