Quote

On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?

Victoria Wood

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Victoria Wood
Age: 62 †
Born: 1953
Born: May 19
Died: 2016
Died: April 20
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Sitting
Sucking
Middle
Pie
Woman
Filling
Hole
Individual
Holes
Next
Fruit
Ends
Train
Always
Eating

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If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.
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A lot of panel programmes rely on men topping each other, or sparring with each other, which is not generally a very female thing.
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Of course I don't want to go to a cocktail party...If I wanted to stand around with a load of people I don't know eating bits of cold toast I can get caught shoplifting and go to Holloway [women's prison].
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Well, I think there's not much of a chance for me finding somebody of my age. Gentlemen of my age are dropping down 30 years to find girlfriends.
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In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.
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I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.
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In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.
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I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.
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I like writing a lot more than I used to. I used to find it scary but now I've got used to it once it gets going. I used to find it hard to start. Fear of the blank page. The first thing you write down won't bear any relation to what's in your head and that's always disappointing.
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Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?
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I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.
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I haven't got a waist. I've just got a sort of place ... a bit like an unmarked level crossing.
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I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
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A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.
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Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.
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Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.
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I have stayed true to that first idea that people can have a day in their lives that is very important and if they can reconnect with that day, reconnect with the people they were then, they can suddenly revive their emotions.
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I used to make my own food and ate on my own in my room.
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Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers
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If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.
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