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Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers

Victoria Wood

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Victoria Wood
Age: 62 †
Born: 1953
Born: May 19
Died: 2016
Died: April 20
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Crackers
Gay
Meet
Married
Everyone

More quotes by Victoria Wood

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People always think I hate doing interviews. I don't. I wouldn't do them if I didn't like them.
Victoria Wood
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If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.
Victoria Wood
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All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.
Victoria Wood
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In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.
Victoria Wood
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Acting is not my favourite thing. I don't like wearing costumes and wigs.
Victoria Wood
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I like writing a lot more than I used to. I used to find it scary but now I've got used to it once it gets going. I used to find it hard to start. Fear of the blank page. The first thing you write down won't bear any relation to what's in your head and that's always disappointing.
Victoria Wood
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I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.
Victoria Wood
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In London it's easy not to be the focus of attention, especially when Sting lives in the house just behind you.
Victoria Wood
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Music enriches people's lives in the same way paintings and literature do. Everybody deserves that.
Victoria Wood
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Music is an element that should be part and parcel of every child's life via the education system.
Victoria Wood
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Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.
Victoria Wood
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In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.
Victoria Wood
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I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex - I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower.
Victoria Wood
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A lot of panel programmes rely on men topping each other, or sparring with each other, which is not generally a very female thing.
Victoria Wood
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A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.
Victoria Wood
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I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.
Victoria Wood
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If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.
Victoria Wood
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I once went to one of those parties where everyone throws their car keys into the middle of the room. I don't know who got my moped, but I drove that Peugeot for years.
Victoria Wood
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I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
Victoria Wood
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Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.
Victoria Wood