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Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers

Victoria Wood

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Victoria Wood
Age: 62 †
Born: 1953
Born: May 19
Died: 2016
Died: April 20
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Crackers
Gay
Meet
Married
Everyone

More quotes by Victoria Wood

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Radio killed variety and TV killed radio, and the internet will kill television and it will go on and on.
Victoria Wood
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I have been in a youth hostel...You are put in a kitchen with seventeen venture scouts with behavioural difficulties and made to wash swedes.
Victoria Wood
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I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex - I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower.
Victoria Wood
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If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.
Victoria Wood
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Music enriches people's lives in the same way paintings and literature do. Everybody deserves that.
Victoria Wood
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In London it's easy not to be the focus of attention, especially when Sting lives in the house just behind you.
Victoria Wood
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I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.
Victoria Wood
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I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
Victoria Wood
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On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?
Victoria Wood
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I like writing a lot more than I used to. I used to find it scary but now I've got used to it once it gets going. I used to find it hard to start. Fear of the blank page. The first thing you write down won't bear any relation to what's in your head and that's always disappointing.
Victoria Wood
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I used to make my own food and ate on my own in my room.
Victoria Wood
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You know daytime television? You know what it's supposed to be for? It's to keep unemployed people happy. It's supposed to stop them running to the social security demanding mad luxuries like cookers and windows.
Victoria Wood
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Music is an element that should be part and parcel of every child's life via the education system.
Victoria Wood
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I can remember when pants were pants. You wore them for twenty years, then you cut them down for pan scrubs. Or quilts.
Victoria Wood
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Of course I don't want to go to a cocktail party...If I wanted to stand around with a load of people I don't know eating bits of cold toast I can get caught shoplifting and go to Holloway [women's prison].
Victoria Wood
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If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.
Victoria Wood
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In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.
Victoria Wood
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A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.
Victoria Wood
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In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.
Victoria Wood
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My mother, she didn't believe in praise. She'd never say anything was great. I think that's quite Northern, to not make people feel too good. I didn't mind if she was proud of me or not, it didn't bother me. I was never trying to please her.
Victoria Wood