Quote

My massage was marvellous. I feel really relaxed. And my masseur, Harold :You can't have a masseur called Harold. It's like having a member of the Royal Family called Ena.

Victoria Wood

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Victoria Wood
Age: 62 †
Born: 1953
Born: May 19
Died: 2016
Died: April 20
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Family
Harold
Feel
Marvellous
Feels
Massage
Really
Royal
Like
Relaxed
Member
Members
Called

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In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.
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A lot of panel programmes rely on men topping each other, or sparring with each other, which is not generally a very female thing.
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I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
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I have been in a youth hostel...You are put in a kitchen with seventeen venture scouts with behavioural difficulties and made to wash swedes.
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In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.
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I have stayed true to that first idea that people can have a day in their lives that is very important and if they can reconnect with that day, reconnect with the people they were then, they can suddenly revive their emotions.
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In London it's easy not to be the focus of attention, especially when Sting lives in the house just behind you.
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A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.
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Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.
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Well, I think there's not much of a chance for me finding somebody of my age. Gentlemen of my age are dropping down 30 years to find girlfriends.
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I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex - I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower.
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I haven't got a waist. I've just got a sort of place ... a bit like an unmarked level crossing.
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In my 20s I was going round seeing agents who were patronising because I was fat and a girl, which was a double whammy. I knew what it was to feel out-of-the-loop.
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I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.
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I used to make my own food and ate on my own in my room.
Victoria Wood
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If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.
Victoria Wood
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If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.
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On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?
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You know daytime television? You know what it's supposed to be for? It's to keep unemployed people happy. It's supposed to stop them running to the social security demanding mad luxuries like cookers and windows.
Victoria Wood
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I like writing a lot more than I used to. I used to find it scary but now I've got used to it once it gets going. I used to find it hard to start. Fear of the blank page. The first thing you write down won't bear any relation to what's in your head and that's always disappointing.
Victoria Wood