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All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.

Victoria Wood

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Victoria Wood
Age: 62 †
Born: 1953
Born: May 19
Died: 2016
Died: April 20
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Didn
Wanted
Boyfriends
Thirteen
Boyfriend
Colour
Started
Getting
Friends

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In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.
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If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.
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If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.
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I like writing a lot more than I used to. I used to find it scary but now I've got used to it once it gets going. I used to find it hard to start. Fear of the blank page. The first thing you write down won't bear any relation to what's in your head and that's always disappointing.
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On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?
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Jogging is for people who aren't intelligent enough to watch television.
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Music enriches people's lives in the same way paintings and literature do. Everybody deserves that.
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People always think I hate doing interviews. I don't. I wouldn't do them if I didn't like them.
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I haven't got a waist. I've just got a sort of place ... a bit like an unmarked level crossing.
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I've never understood the point of ecstasy. I think if I wanted to get dehydrated and jump about with a load of people I've never met before I could go to a Methodist barn dance.
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I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
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I have stayed true to that first idea that people can have a day in their lives that is very important and if they can reconnect with that day, reconnect with the people they were then, they can suddenly revive their emotions.
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Music is an element that should be part and parcel of every child's life via the education system.
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In my 20s I was going round seeing agents who were patronising because I was fat and a girl, which was a double whammy. I knew what it was to feel out-of-the-loop.
Victoria Wood
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I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex - I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower.
Victoria Wood
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Well, I think there's not much of a chance for me finding somebody of my age. Gentlemen of my age are dropping down 30 years to find girlfriends.
Victoria Wood
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In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.
Victoria Wood
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Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?
Victoria Wood
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Last time I went Intercity there were a couple across the aisle having sex. Of course, this being a British train, nobody said anything. Then they finished, they both lit up a cigarette and this woman stood up and said, Excuse me, I think you'll find this is a non-smoking compartment.
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You know daytime television? You know what it's supposed to be for? It's to keep unemployed people happy. It's supposed to stop them running to the social security demanding mad luxuries like cookers and windows.
Victoria Wood