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All my friends started getting boyfriends, but I didn't want a boyfriend, I wanted a thirteen-colour biro.

Victoria Wood

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Victoria Wood
Age: 62 †
Born: 1953
Born: May 19
Died: 2016
Died: April 20
Comedian
Film Actor
Film Director
Film Score Composer
Pianist
Screenwriter
Singer
Singer-Songwriter
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Director
Wanted
Boyfriends
Thirteen
Boyfriend
Colour
Started
Getting
Friends
Didn

More quotes by Victoria Wood

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In my day we didn't have sex education, we just picked up what we could off the television.
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Sexual harassment at work... is it a problem for the self-employed?
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I sometimes think that being widowed is God's way of telling you to come off the Pill.
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Last time I went Intercity there were a couple across the aisle having sex. Of course, this being a British train, nobody said anything. Then they finished, they both lit up a cigarette and this woman stood up and said, Excuse me, I think you'll find this is a non-smoking compartment.
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If God had meant men to have children, he would have given them a PVC apron.
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If you behave normally, people treat you normally. It's only when you act as if you're someone special that they feel obliged to stand on ceremony.
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I wouldn't kidnap a man for sex - I'm not saying I couldn't use someone to oil the mower.
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Everyone I meet is gay, married or crackers
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Music enriches people's lives in the same way paintings and literature do. Everybody deserves that.
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People always think I hate doing interviews. I don't. I wouldn't do them if I didn't like them.
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Life's not fair, is it? Some of us drink champagne in the fast lane, and some of us eat our sandwiches by the loose chippings on the A597.
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I used to make my own food and ate on my own in my room.
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In my 20s I was going round seeing agents who were patronising because I was fat and a girl, which was a double whammy. I knew what it was to feel out-of-the-loop.
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A lot of panel programmes rely on men topping each other, or sparring with each other, which is not generally a very female thing.
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If God had meant them to be lifted and separated, He would have put one on each shoulder.
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I haven't got a waist. I've just got a sort of place ... a bit like an unmarked level crossing.
Victoria Wood
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On a train, why do I always end up sitting next to the woman who's eating the individual fruit pie by sucking the filling out through the hole in the middle?
Victoria Wood
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In Russia, show the least athletic aptitude and they've got you dangling off the parallel bars with a leotard full of hormones.
Victoria Wood
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A man is designed to walk three miles in the rain to phone for help when the car breaks down - and a woman is designed to say, 'you took your time' when he comes back dripping wet.
Victoria Wood
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I have been in a youth hostel...You are put in a kitchen with seventeen venture scouts with behavioural difficulties and made to wash swedes.
Victoria Wood