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You want something by Bach? Which one, Johann Sebastian or Jacques Offen?

Victor Borge

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Victor Borge
Age: 91 †
Born: 1909
Born: January 3
Died: 2000
Died: December 23
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Conductor
Pianist
Stand-Up Comedian
København
Børge Rosenbaum
Johann
Jacques
Sebastian
Bach
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More quotes by Victor Borge

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One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.
Victor Borge
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The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold.
Victor Borge
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Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
Victor Borge
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Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.
Victor Borge
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It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians to stop playing it.
Victor Borge
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Many people have asked me why there are three pedals in these grand pianos. Well the pedal in the middle is there to separate the two other pedals.
Victor Borge
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...the elephant smoked too much.
Victor Borge
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I only know two pieces one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.
Victor Borge
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My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.
Victor Borge
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There is a bit of Hans Christian Andersen in every Dane.
Victor Borge
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I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?
Victor Borge
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The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)
Victor Borge
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They say that Nero started the fire himself because he needed a suitable backdrop for his concert.
Victor Borge
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Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.
Victor Borge
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In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.
Victor Borge
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Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.
Victor Borge
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Humor is something that thrives between man's aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because, you see, humor is truth.
Victor Borge
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The essence of a general's job is to assist in developing a clear sense of purpose . to keep the junk from getting in the way of important things.
Victor Borge
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The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.
Victor Borge
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You may not be aware of this but Leonard Bernstein won another award, for explaining the music of Igor Stravinsky... to Igor Stravinsky!
Victor Borge