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When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.

Victor Borge

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Victor Borge
Age: 91 †
Born: 1909
Born: January 3
Died: 2000
Died: December 23
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Conductor
Pianist
Stand-Up Comedian
København
Børge Rosenbaum
Used
Littles
Newspaper
Little
Newspapers
Every
Played
Time
Boys
Head
Hate
Father

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Did you know that Mozart had no arms and no legs? I've seen statues of him on people's pianos.
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A Smile is a curve which can set a lot of things straight.
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It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians to stop playing it.
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What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
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That's why I've never thought of retiring because I do it all the time whether on the stage or off. I found that in a precarious situation, a smile is the shortest distance between people. When one needs to reach out for sympathy or a link with people, what better way is there?
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I wish to thank my parents for making it all possible? and I wish to thank my children for making it necessary.
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Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
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I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?
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Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.
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I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.
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Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.
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Occasionally, a finger comes up to wipe a tear [of laughter] from the eye... and that's my reward... the rest goes to the government.
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Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats.
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One afternoon, when I was four years old, my father came home, and he found me in the living room in front of a roaring fire, which made him very angry. Because we didn't have a fireplace.
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(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?
Victor Borge
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I only know two pieces one is 'Clair de Lune' and the other one isn't.
Victor Borge
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You want something by Bach? Which one, Johann Sebastian or Jacques Offen?
Victor Borge
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Mendelssohn never wrote any Water Music. However, he wrote the Scotch Symphony, which is even better, or at least stronger.
Victor Borge
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What is the difference between a Nazi and a dog?The Nazi lifts his arm.
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He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
Victor Borge