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My father invented a cure for which there was no disease and unfortunately my mother caught it and died of it.

Victor Borge

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Victor Borge
Age: 91 †
Born: 1909
Born: January 3
Died: 2000
Died: December 23
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Conductor
Pianist
Stand-Up Comedian
København
Børge Rosenbaum
Caught
Died
Disease
Tears
Cure
Father
Invented
Mother
Unfortunately
Cures
Dad

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Flint must be an extremely wealthy town: I see that each of you bought two or three seats.
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The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold.
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Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
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Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.
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He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
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I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.
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I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?
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Always remember to forget the things that made you sad, but never forget to remember the things that made you glad.
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In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.
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How nice. Now the Germans can sleep in peace, knowing that they will not be invaded by us.
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The first piano was built long after they didn't have any at all.
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That's why I've never thought of retiring because I do it all the time whether on the stage or off. I found that in a precarious situation, a smile is the shortest distance between people. When one needs to reach out for sympathy or a link with people, what better way is there?
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The essence of a general's job is to assist in developing a clear sense of purpose . to keep the junk from getting in the way of important things.
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Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.
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And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.
Victor Borge
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The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.
Victor Borge
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Read (this book), smile, enjoy, and if you happen to learn something along the way, don't get upset.
Victor Borge
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When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.
Victor Borge
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Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
Victor Borge
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...the elephant smoked too much.
Victor Borge