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I normally don't do requests. Unless, of course, I have been asked to do so.

Victor Borge

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Victor Borge
Age: 91 †
Born: 1909
Born: January 3
Died: 2000
Died: December 23
Actor
Comedian
Composer
Conductor
Pianist
Stand-Up Comedian
København
Børge Rosenbaum
Asked
Unless
Courses
Course
Requests
Request
Normally

More quotes by Victor Borge

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I know [canned music] makes chickens lay more eggs and factory workers produce more. But how much more can they get out of you on an elevator?
Victor Borge
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(Referring to the piano's natural shape) Isn't it a shame when those big fat opera singers lean against the pianos and bend them?
Victor Borge
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In my youth, I wanted to be a great pantomimist -- but I found I had nothing to say.
Victor Borge
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The conductor is a peculiar person. He turns his back on his friends in the audience, shakes a stick at his players in the orchestra, and then wonders why nobody loves him.
Victor Borge
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Santa Claus has the right idea - visit people only once a year.
Victor Borge
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That's why I've never thought of retiring because I do it all the time whether on the stage or off. I found that in a precarious situation, a smile is the shortest distance between people. When one needs to reach out for sympathy or a link with people, what better way is there?
Victor Borge
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Laughter is the closest distance between two people.
Victor Borge
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Beethoven wrote in three flats a lot. That's because he moved twice.
Victor Borge
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The oboe sounds like a clarinet with a cold.
Victor Borge
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Well, all's fair in love, war and fooling the critics.
Victor Borge
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It (the double-clarinet in India) was primarily used for snake charming, since the snake would do almost anything to get the Indians to stop playing it.
Victor Borge
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Occasionally, a finger comes up to wipe a tear [of laughter] from the eye... and that's my reward... the rest goes to the government.
Victor Borge
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What soap is to the body, laughter is to the soul. Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Victor Borge
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You may not be aware of this but Leonard Bernstein won another award, for explaining the music of Igor Stravinsky... to Igor Stravinsky!
Victor Borge
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There are three Bachs. Johann, Sebastian and Offen.
Victor Borge
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The elephant smoked too much.(explaining why the keys of his piano were so yellow)
Victor Borge
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When I was a little boy and played Liebestraum, my father used to hit me on the head with a newspaper every time I slopped the cadenza . . . I hate Liebestraum.
Victor Borge
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Clarinets, like lawyers, have cases, mouthpieces, and they need a constant supply of hot air in order to function.
Victor Borge
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And now, in honour of the 150th anniversary of Beethoven's death, I would like to play 'Clear the Saloon', er, 'Clair de Lune', by Debussy. I don't play Beethoven so well, but I play Debussy very badly, and Beethoven would have liked that.
Victor Borge
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(Responding to a sneeze from the audience) Who exploded?
Victor Borge