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I would love to love something, especially if I could do it without feeling like I was watching it die right in front of me.

Vanessa Veselka

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Vanessa Veselka
Age: 55
Born: 1969
Born: March 14
Writer
Eagle Pass
Texas
Love
Especially
Like
Feeling
Dies
Feelings
Without
Right
Watching
Something
Fronts
Would
Front

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The world is a violent child none of us will get to see grow up.
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I light candles. I meditate. And I don't believe in anything. By default I move simultaneously towards mysticism and atheism. It's not something that's ever going to get fixed.
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But I know what it means to crave what you're not. To want to sew up that rift because it's exhausting to hold it open. Sometimes you just need to be someone else, someone who doesn't care about anything at all. I know I do. I want emptiness but I can't have it.
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I learned to live in my own head. I learned to follow intuition and more than anything, I learned what was important to me.
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There's a big part of me that's atheist. There's a big part of me that's agnostic. And there's a big part of me that tends towards the mystic. The thing that I find is most important in all of that is to retain my sense of wonder and the idea that I don't actually know what's going to happen.
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I was always face to face with total futility and powerlessness.
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For me it comes down to one thing: I'm trying to follow my own nature.
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Some things are so sad that they have no name. I have tried to name them and I can't.
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Being well-mannered and gracious and kind are things that I value really highly.
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Go ahead and do what you're doing.
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