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I laugh at people who say things like 'I'm a good person, I just do bad things.' No, that's not how it works. What you do IS who you are.

Tucker Max

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Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
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Things
Like
People
Laugh
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More quotes by Tucker Max

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Most people's lives are nothing more than pointlessly frantic activity used as a psychological defense against their own impotence and fear.
Tucker Max
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Before I was famous, I already was the person that attracted and dealt with a lot of weirdos.
Tucker Max
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Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.
Tucker Max
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I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.
Tucker Max
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There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.
Tucker Max
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If you read the book, you're not a journalist. You're some impostor! No journalist actually does any work.
Tucker Max
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You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.
Tucker Max
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Theatrical success is predominantly two variables: who the distributor is and how much money they spend.
Tucker Max
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I was not developmentally disabled, but didn't mature at the same rate other kids did.
Tucker Max
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Hey man, can you talk to dolphins and pilot whales with that huge forehead of yours?
Tucker Max
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Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.
Tucker Max
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This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don’t suffer fools well.
Tucker Max
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I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.
Tucker Max
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Communication is not what we say, but what you hear (which is a lesson I wish our educational system understood)
Tucker Max
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If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.
Tucker Max
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Yinzer: DAMN!! I wish I had your balls! Tucker:I wish you had a breath mint, but I guess we don't always get what we wish for.
Tucker Max
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Failure either ruins you, or turns you into the man you can become.
Tucker Max
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No one has it all figured out, especially not the people who are acting like they do and judging you because of it. Pretending to be something you aren't because you're trying to please a bunch of judgmental hypocrites and shitheads is not the way to be happy. Living the life you want to live is. It really is that simple.
Tucker Max
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I'm sorry, but I stand by my decision. I am now a member of the elite club of people that have fought a professional team mascot. You sir, are not in that club.
Tucker Max
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The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't.
Tucker Max