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No sheep wants to be first through the gate, but every sheep will be second.

Tucker Max

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Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
Every
Gate
Sheep
Gates
Second
Wants
Firsts
First

More quotes by Tucker Max

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Gotta love alcohol and sex hormones.
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I was not developmentally disabled, but didn't mature at the same rate other kids did.
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Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art.
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If you read the book, you're not a journalist. You're some impostor! No journalist actually does any work.
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You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.
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Tucker: You guys going to Milwaukee? Guy: Yes sir, heading home after a vacation. Tucker: Did you know there are midgets in Milwaukee? [The man and his wife are silent and confused.] Tucker: HUNDREDS OF THEM!
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Yinzer: DAMN!! I wish I had your balls! Tucker:I wish you had a breath mint, but I guess we don't always get what we wish for.
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I try to explain to people that the only way to be cool is to be who you truly are, and the only way to live life is to do the things that you want to do and be the person that you want to be no matter who that is or what that is or how you have to do it. That's the only way you can be genuinely happy.
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This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don’t suffer fools well.
Tucker Max
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Unless you plan on making academia your life, all you need to know about postmodernism is that its premises are fundamentally wrong.
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If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.
Tucker Max
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9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, 'Give me all of that.
Tucker Max
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General reader feedback is usually pretty worthless. 99% of people give feedback that is irrelevant, stupid, or just flat out wrong. But that 1% of people who give good feedback are invaluable.
Tucker Max
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The vast majority of all consequences, especially in 21st century America, are completely meaningless bullshit.
Tucker Max
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Communication is not what we say, but what you hear (which is a lesson I wish our educational system understood)
Tucker Max
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I never understand why women think drama and bullshit are attractive to guys. They’re not. I’m going to be real clear about this, ladies, so pay attention: Prince Charming doesn't come to rescue cunty lunatics.
Tucker Max
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Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.
Tucker Max
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Helping reproductive services doesn't just help women in isolation. It helps men just as much.
Tucker Max
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My favorite random email I got was from some guy who wrote: Mr. Max, with the hope of a six year old on the night before Christmas asking about Santa, I ask the same question: Do you really exist?
Tucker Max
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The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't.
Tucker Max