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I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.
Tucker Max
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Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
League
Judge
Judging
Figures
Especially
Justice
Action
Shower
Showers
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If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.
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I was stupid when I was 17 or 18. My thought process was that I thought that I was legitimately a hyper-genius, and so I wanted to go to the hardest academic school I could to see if I was really as smart as I thought I was.
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General reader feedback is usually pretty worthless. 99% of people give feedback that is irrelevant, stupid, or just flat out wrong. But that 1% of people who give good feedback are invaluable.
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I could never kill myself. What if it doesn't work. Then I'll have failed at the only thing that could save me from my failures. Where do you go from there?
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Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, Whoa, this is amazing! At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.
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The hardest lesson I've had to learn in my life is that my intelligence is inversely correlated to my humility. The more I thought I knew, the less I actually knew.
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Before I was famous, I already was the person that attracted and dealt with a lot of weirdos.
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I'm not even the coolest one of my friends. I'm just the guy who sat down and wrote everything down. Like I know plenty of people who do crazier stuff than I do.
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Anything that reflects the human condition back on humans in the entertainment medium is art.
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Getting offended is a great way to avoid answering questions that make you sound dumb.
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I love women, I love alcohol, and I love combining the two. If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.
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Before you're famous it's stuff that seems like it'd be really cool, but once you get it, you realize it's not bad, but it's kind of hollow and meaningless.
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Theatrical success is predominantly two variables: who the distributor is and how much money they spend.
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No one has probably helped me more with my narcissism than my dog.
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Listen to authority figures because of their position, but only believe them if they can explain why.
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