Quote

I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.

Tucker Max

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
Action
Shower
Showers
League
Judge
Judging
Figures
Especially
Justice

More quotes by Tucker Max

Image
Even if I was a Republican, George Bush would have pushed me out of that party.
Tucker Max
Image
I started writing because it was about making my friends laugh, and when you're talking to your friends, you can't bullshit.
Tucker Max
Image
Hi. I haven't insulted you yet, have I?
Tucker Max
Image
I'm sorry, but I stand by my decision. I am now a member of the elite club of people that have fought a professional team mascot. You sir, are not in that club.
Tucker Max
Image
I think that there's a lot of guys out there that want to read the equivalent of chick lit, but really there's not being much written for them.
Tucker Max
Image
The result of my hard work is that I'm financially independent, I have an amazing life, and I can do whatever I want. I don't have to answer to anybody.
Tucker Max
Image
If you just don't have any idea what you want to do, the worst thing you can do is go to law school. If you can go to college, maybe it's fine to have four years of fun and learn a little bit, that's okay, but if you have to go two hundred thousand dollars in debt, that's not something I would recommend.
Tucker Max
Image
You can't fill your emails with crap, at least not with my friends, because they're brutal. If something sucks, they'll tell you.
Tucker Max
Image
I have tons of fans in Canada. I've sold hundreds of thousands of books there.
Tucker Max
Image
If people try to judge you or shame you for doing safe, consensual things that make you happy, I can guarantee you they're bad people.
Tucker Max
Image
Random Girl after a hookup: Do you love me Tucker: I don't understand the question.
Tucker Max
Image
I will never understand why people get so upset at things I don't even remember saying.
Tucker Max
Image
Before you're famous it's stuff that seems like it'd be really cool, but once you get it, you realize it's not bad, but it's kind of hollow and meaningless.
Tucker Max
Image
I think 20th century media were about tricking people - and the beauty of the Internet is you can't lie anymore.
Tucker Max
Image
To get hwat you want out of life, all you really need to do is be honest about it, don't be afraid to go for it, and have fun while you do it -- and you'll eventually get it.
Tucker Max
Image
Opinions are projections.
Tucker Max
Image
Tucker: You guys going to Milwaukee? Guy: Yes sir, heading home after a vacation. Tucker: Did you know there are midgets in Milwaukee? [The man and his wife are silent and confused.] Tucker: HUNDREDS OF THEM!
Tucker Max
Image
Failure instructs, failure improves. Failure shouldn't deter you.
Tucker Max
Image
Yinzer: DAMN!! I wish I had your balls! Tucker:I wish you had a breath mint, but I guess we don't always get what we wish for.
Tucker Max
Image
Yes, the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but everyone forgets the second half of that quote: the road to heaven is paved with good actions.
Tucker Max