Quote

I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.

Tucker Max

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Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
Action
Shower
Showers
League
Judge
Judging
Figures
Especially
Justice

More quotes by Tucker Max

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9:00: I don't know what I want. I just point at the Dollar Menu and say, 'Give me all of that.
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If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.
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I'm not even the coolest one of my friends. I'm just the guy who sat down and wrote everything down. Like I know plenty of people who do crazier stuff than I do.
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If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.
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Hey man, can you talk to dolphins and pilot whales with that huge forehead of yours?
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No sheep wants to be first through the gate, but every sheep will be second.
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You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.
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I was stupid when I was 17 or 18. My thought process was that I thought that I was legitimately a hyper-genius, and so I wanted to go to the hardest academic school I could to see if I was really as smart as I thought I was.
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Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse.
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Hollywood, it's just like high school. Whoever is pretty and popular, everyone wants to be with.
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I am Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.
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I take a lull from my CamelBak and choke at its potency. It tastes like bad decisions. It's perfect.
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Obstacles are only obstacles if you see them as obstacles. They can also be called opportunities.
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If you read the book, you're not a journalist. You're some impostor! No journalist actually does any work.
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There are fun nights, there are crazy nights, and then there are those nights that make men legends.
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I hated being a lawyer and I wanted to like myself and like my job.
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Unless you plan on making academia your life, all you need to know about postmodernism is that its premises are fundamentally wrong.
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I stop paying attention because as much as I love beauty, I hate stupidity, and seeing the two combined pisses me off.
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A lot of people think that since I'm drunk in my stories, I must be drunk 24 hours a day. What kind of stupid logic is that? It'd be like if you saw Michael Jordan at a restaurant and were like, Why aren't you in your basketball uniform? I leave out way more than I put in.
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I love women, I love alcohol, and I love combining the two. If God invented anything better than drunk sex with a hot girl, he kept it to himself.
Tucker Max