Quote

I masterbate in the shower. My action figures judge me. Especially the Justice League.

Tucker Max

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Tucker Max
Age: 49
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
Judge
Judging
Figures
Especially
Justice
Action
Shower
Showers
League

More quotes by Tucker Max

Image
I sold a million books because I have a lot of fans, not because people hate me.
Tucker Max
Image
To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.
Tucker Max
Image
Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.
Tucker Max
Image
My buddies and I, we all went to law school together, and once we started working in different cities, we all did crazy stuff, and we'd write e-mails to each other about the stuff we would do. And my friends thought my e-mails were really funny and they said, Dude, why don't you put this up on a Web site. You know people would love to read this.
Tucker Max
Image
I'm not West Coast at all. I was born in Atlanta, but I grew up in Kentucky, outside of Lexington, in Winchester.
Tucker Max
Image
My favorite random email I got was from some guy who wrote: Mr. Max, with the hope of a six year old on the night before Christmas asking about Santa, I ask the same question: Do you really exist?
Tucker Max
Image
A lot of people think that since I'm drunk in my stories, I must be drunk 24 hours a day. What kind of stupid logic is that? It'd be like if you saw Michael Jordan at a restaurant and were like, Why aren't you in your basketball uniform? I leave out way more than I put in.
Tucker Max
Image
And I’ve found that, what I now want the most in a woman is—I want a partner. I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other.
Tucker Max
Image
I am Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.
Tucker Max
Image
Opinions are projections.
Tucker Max
Image
I'm sorry, but I stand by my decision. I am now a member of the elite club of people that have fought a professional team mascot. You sir, are not in that club.
Tucker Max
Image
TV has a longer narrative, and TV's more like short stories. So there's less rules with TV you can make it a little bit different. [With] movies, the medium has more constraints, so it was just about what stories are the most cinematic and the best resolution.
Tucker Max
Image
Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, Whoa, this is amazing! At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.
Tucker Max
Image
If you just don't have any idea what you want to do, the worst thing you can do is go to law school. If you can go to college, maybe it's fine to have four years of fun and learn a little bit, that's okay, but if you have to go two hundred thousand dollars in debt, that's not something I would recommend.
Tucker Max
Image
Men will treat you the way you let them. There is no such thing as 'deserving' respect you get what you demand from people.
Tucker Max
Image
I've come to learn that what really matters is the relationship, the quality of the relationship.
Tucker Max
Image
This may come as a shock to some of you, but I have a slightly volatile personality. I don’t suffer fools well.
Tucker Max
Image
The Big Five publishing companies are dinosaurs trying to survive in a post-meteor world. They won't.
Tucker Max
Image
If you don't have a job right now, and you have a computer and a basic intelligence level, I guarantee you can get a great job, paying really well, in less than three months. How? Learn to program.
Tucker Max
Image
I’ve heard 14 year old meth addicted thai prostitutes say more prescient things than the woman that was supposedly a “professor
Tucker Max