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You play crotch roulette, you're gonna hit double zero once in a while.

Tucker Max

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Tucker Max
Age: 48
Born: 1975
Born: September 27
Author
Film Producer
Screenwriter
Atlanta
Georgia
Double
Zero
Gonna
Play
Crotch
Roulette

More quotes by Tucker Max

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Make no mistake about it: Law school is not a bastion of intellectual discourse.
Tucker Max
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If you make comedy, if you try and make comedy where no one gets upset or offended, you're going to fail.
Tucker Max
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Hey man, can you talk to dolphins and pilot whales with that huge forehead of yours?
Tucker Max
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Obstacles are only obstacles if you see them as obstacles. They can also be called opportunities.
Tucker Max
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You ever wake up in the middle of the night because a couple of cats are clawing each other to death outside your window? That's what it's like listening to you speak.
Tucker Max
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In training, there is no winning or losing. There is only learning.
Tucker Max
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One big lesson I learned from movie [making] was I don't do creative projects that I headline unless I have all the control. I can't deal with having to live with other people's screw ups, and that's just sort of the way the movie business works. The people with the money are in charge. Until I'm in charge, I don't want to play that game.
Tucker Max
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You look like the type of people who would criticize a misspelling in a suicide note.
Tucker Max
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The thing that I think about the most, and is the most rewarding to me, is the whole past. That I kind of went from nothing to something and I did it on my own, and I did it through hard work and smarts.
Tucker Max
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I was not developmentally disabled, but didn't mature at the same rate other kids did.
Tucker Max
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Two girls called me closed minded. I tell them that they are so open-minded their brains leaked out.
Tucker Max
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I don't want to compare myself to Picasso, but he had four or five periods in his life. Any good artist grows and changes and matures.
Tucker Max
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And I’ve found that, what I now want the most in a woman is—I want a partner. I want someone who is my partner in life. Who supports me, and I support her. I can share all my experiences in life with her, and she can share hers back with me. Not only do we love each other, but we accept, embrace, nurture, and care for each other.
Tucker Max
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Tucker: You guys going to Milwaukee? Guy: Yes sir, heading home after a vacation. Tucker: Did you know there are midgets in Milwaukee? [The man and his wife are silent and confused.] Tucker: HUNDREDS OF THEM!
Tucker Max
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Before you're famous it's stuff that seems like it'd be really cool, but once you get it, you realize it's not bad, but it's kind of hollow and meaningless.
Tucker Max
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Corporate tweets are like one robot talking to another.
Tucker Max
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I've come to learn that what really matters is the relationship, the quality of the relationship.
Tucker Max
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To my friends and people I care about, I'm a really nice guy. No one wants to read a story where I saw a cute puppy on the street and I petted it. I mean, that's not funny. I only write about the funny stuff.
Tucker Max
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Gotta love alcohol and sex hormones.
Tucker Max
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Guys, we spend our whole lives trying to get pussy, so when pussy comes to us, it's like, Whoa, this is amazing! At 27, I thought nothing could be better than that, but at 35, I've come to understand the darker side of it.
Tucker Max